Luck Without Faith
by Brooke Davis Fanfiction
Summary: Lucas and Brooke never thought they would be together in four years, it took one kid to bring together but what if that kid suddenly drifts away. How would they cope? "She took you away before I saw the end coming. I'm not scared about what will come tomorrow because you were my yesterday. You were mine once, I watched you blossom but I'm not sorry I loved you...I will never be."
1. Trees of Despair

Everything happened so fast, my life happened so fast. The lies come out to play at this very second, we didn't know what was going on. We just wanted to believe that everything was going to be okay, were going to be okay. My stomach twists, i felt like i was going to throw up. I bent over, trying grab for a wall. Lucas quickly grabbed me as i struggled, i felt his grip on my arm. I took a deep breathe, If i didn't; i would have passed out. I took another deep breathe but the air seemed to be thinning, the room became to spin. I have felt the death of someone that you love but not like this, this was different. I dropped down to my knees, covering my hands over my face. I knew this was coming, I knew that this was going to happen but it came to fast. I didn't have the time with him that i should have. I could hear Lucas cry over, he was trying hold himself together and me, it must be hard for him. You hear the scream of my cry through the hall of the hospital, everyone tried to look away but they couldn't help but see someone become completely damaged. The doctor tried to help but didn't want any trouble, I kept screaming like I was shot or in pain but i was in pain. Why does it hurt? It hurts so bad, it really fucking hurts.

"What happened to my son!" I screamed, i completely knew what happened. The doctor looked at me with questionable frown. He was thinking of the words in his head, hes been through this and knows what these people are going through.

"I'm sorry." The doctor could only say to me. It wasn't enough for me, that's not what i wanted to have in my head. None of this was okay or was going to be okay.

"No." I bent over, curling my body. My chest became heavy inside my body, I felt slow and weak. I cried, oh I cried hard. I screamed, when death comes...you dont feel it at first. It doesn't immediately hit you with full force, ha no. First the memories come, the time that you spent with that person. All the time that you wasted with that person but...mine wasn't wasted...mine was well spent.

* * *

_I remember the first night I told Lucas, the first night I told him that I was pregnant. It was winter, a very cold time of the year. The leaves were frozen up, the lakes were frozen because of the snow and the temperature dropping on us. I wrapped my hands around my body, my hands were frozen. I couldn't move my toes, my nose was completely red. I walked to the back of the house, knowing Lucas was there. The red door shinned in the light of the street lights, I touched the door remembering the easier times. I never gave up on Lucas and he never gave up on me. Peyton was still madly in love with him at this time around because we were seniors in high school. I knocked on the door, Lucas opened it; quickly. I kept my eyes on his and I saw a shadow in corner of his room, i looked up at him and back towards the room. I shoved him out the way, Peyton was on his bed; looking at his lap top. She looked at me with a welcoming smile, i rolled my eyes at her._

_"Lucas can I speak to you, alone?" I hated seeing her with him, Peyton looked up at Lucas and walked out of the house. Lucas chuckled, i think because of the face that I was making. I took off my jacket, snow fell to the floor. Lucas walked over to his bed, pushing me towards him. "I'm pregnant." I said with rush of air, Lucas was taken back from the news. He slowly took his hands off of my waist, thinking about his life._

_"Are you sure?" Lucas bit his lip, I walked over to his long mirror. I've been hiding the secret from him for a while because i didn't know how else to say. I raised up my shirt, there was bump like I've eaten a little and it wont go down. Lucas saw the curve of my stomach, he was going to have a son. "Haley's pregnant too." Lucas whispered still looking at my stomach. I walked over to him with my shirt still raised, he placed his hands on my stomach. "What are we going to do?" Lucas asked me._

_"Were going to be the best parents in the world but right now...we need to tell our parents." Brooke softly said to him._

_"Let's skip step two." Lucas kissed my stomach._

* * *

The cracks on my wooden floors screamed for attention. I rose my heel from the floor, I tip toed to the corner of my room. I looked down the hallway, there was not one human in sight.

"Boo." Lucas whispered, touching my waist. I jumped a little, i turned around to see his beautiful blue eyes. Lucas looked down the hallway as what i did. We looked at each other, wondering where our son was. "Where is he?" Lucas asked me.

"I dont know, do you think hes still asleep?" I narrowed my eyes, Lucas looked at the hallway again.

"I guess," He looked at his watch that i bought him. "Why would he be sleeping on his birthday?" Lucas looked around, we slowly walked to his room; having our backs against the wall. The floor screamed again but louder this time, i looked behind me. Lucas closed his eyes, hoping not to make another sound. I turned back around, I leaned towards the door and I could see a body shaped under the covers. Lucas handed me a Nerf gun and he had one also. We walked slowly in the decorated room of Jamie's, taking every step carefully. I could feel my heart racing, beating out of my chest. The smile on my face couldn't move. I looked up at Lucas, he had this grin on his face. Lucas quickly pulled the covers off of the bed, reviling a basketball and pillows. He wasn't in the bed, I stepped back; he was tricking us. Lucas looked up at me, Jamie was around here somewhere.

"Oh no." Lucas whispered.

"Ahhh!" We heard a scream, Jamie was at the door; shooting us with his Nerf gun. Lucas fell back, landing on Jamie's bed. Jamie looked at me, carefully raising his nerf gun. "I'm sorry mom." He said slowly.

"It's okay, pumpkin. Just do it." Those were my last words, he closed my eyes and screamed as the dart hit me.

* * *

The air brushed through my hair, making me breathe in the cold. The streets of Tree Hill had amazing people walk all over it, the life of this town was amazing. I grew up here and I made my life here, I couldn't think of anything better than this place. I turned to my left, entering my store with danger in my eyes. As I walked in, I looked at my mother and Millicent. There were people already in my store, shopping for clothes. I held on tight to my purple purse, matching my black dress. My mother walked up to me, I puffed my chest a little; so that I could stand strong. I hate my mother but shes being a great grand-mother to my son Jamie, I cant keep her away from him.

"I'm going over to the Haley and Nathans house for Jamie's birthday," She smacked her lips, looking at me up and down. "Why are you having his birthday party there anyways?" She crossed her legs and her arms. I huffed.

"Because Haley and Nathan wanted to do something special for Jamie's 4th birthday." Brooke shot back, I rose my eyebrow. I tried to get a little smart with her, She shouldn't be asking questions about my son. Victoria stood back a little, she cleared her throat.

"I could have thrown him a party." Victoria slowly said to me. Her voice was a little low and shaky.

"Maybe next time mother." I whispered, I gave Millicent a look and she started to grab her things. I turned around and walked out of the store with Millicent beside me. She caught up to me as I walked to my car, Millicent grabbed her preset from the backseat from my car and walked to the passenger side.

"Your mother was a pain in my ass." Millicent huffed.

"Tell me something that I dont know." I rolled my eyes, I only could imagine what my mother is going through right now, getting on peoples nerves and having every issue with my designs.

"I think she just needs a man in her life." Millicent shrugged, I sharply turned my head towards her. My eyebrows narrowed. She was talking about sex, disgusting. I shiver with the thought of my mother having sex with another man.

"Disgusting." I pulled off into the sunset, ready for my son to have the best day of his life.

* * *

I pulled up into Haley's driveway, the whole house was decorated. The theme was dinosaurs, it was absolutely perfect. I gave her the money and she helped me out, believe it or not but she was more creative than I was. I came out of the car, completely shocked how this was thrown together. Millicent walked past me and walked inside, I could hear everyone gathering around and welcoming her in. Lucas came out of the house with his arms up in the air.

"So," He walked over to me, looking up at the house. "What do you think?" Lucas asked me, I looked up at him. He couldn't have done this?

"You did this?" I whispered to him, he looked up at the place again and down at me. He nodded, closing one of his eyes from the sun beaming on it.

"Yea, Haley helped but mostly me." Lucas shrugged, he noticed that I didn't answer the question. "So?" He said excitedly. He put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in closely.

"This is amazing, How does Jamie like it?" I bit my lip. Lucas chuckled.

"I thought he was going to pass out." Lucas smirked from the look on Jamie's face. I looked up at him, he made my heart race every time. I never felt loved like this before, he was the only person that I wanted to be with and now I have everything that i could ever wish for. He was warm...warmer than the sun.

"I love you, Lucas Scott." I confessed again. His face brightened as he smiled, eyes lit up even twinkled. He looked delighted that I said that to him, pleased. He had that one dimple on his left cheek. His mouth quirked at the corners. He grasped my hand and pulled me in closer. I stared deep into his eyes, suddenly seeing what I have seen years ago. Every time i look into his eyes, he makes me fall in love with him all over again. He leaned closer and whispered "i love you" then he kissed me with much enthusiasm and meaning with every second that passed. We kissed until i had to pull away for a breath. He chuckled a bit and, cradled me into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me as we slowly walked to the house.

"We should probably go inside, Jamie might be looking for us." Lucas blinked. I tapped on his chest with a cheesy smile, I hated that smile but he loved it. We walked in and it was even more beautiful, the backyard was filled with children and balloons, a playhouse. I looked around and I couldn't see Jamie anywhere, neither could Lucas. The troubles that happen here, he shakes me. Lucas let go of me. "I'll go look for Jamie." He kissed my forehead and walked into the back. HONK! HONK! A loud horn was blown in my ear, I screamed in fear because of the sound and the one making it. It was a clown with its creepy smile and creepy walk. It made a goofy laugh that made me shiver. Haley ran up to me, wondering what happened. The clown walked away with a glossy smile.

"What. Was. That?" I lost my breath from the clown jumping at me.

"Eee," Haley tightened her face, making a 'yikes' look. "That is the clown that Nathan brought here." Haley started to lead me into one of the rooms. We walked into the kitchen, I started to make extra juice.

"Have you seen Jamie?" I narrowed my eyebrows, I didn't want to worry but he was my son. Haley started to think, she had her thinking face on.

"No but Nathan might know." Haley poured sugar in the pitcher, I started to stir. "So, how is life?" Haley asked me.

"Ugh, people. Investors." I rolled my eyes, thinking about my mother. "They're just so rude and needy." I whined.

"Brooke, You are not holy either. You-" Haley stopped herself from saying anything mean.

"What Haley?" I smiled playfully.

"You insult people." Haley pushed the words out of her soft pink lips.

"I dont insult people, I describe them." I nodded, Haley let out a small laugh. I leaned on the table, grabbing one of the cookies from a blue plate. Haley frowned at me, I chuckled. I looked down, biting my nails. "Life is not so great." I tried to smile but it wasn't working. Haley opened one of cabinets, looking for a knife.

"How so?" Haley groaned, stretching her legs.

"Jamie has cancer." I hesitated, my voice breaks. Haley dropped the knife from her hands, she walked over to me.

"What?" She lost her breath. I huffed, taking a deep breath in as she took one out.

"My four year old son as cancer." I tried to not cry but my voice told a different story. Haley didn't know what to do or say, she just had that look in her eyes; the worried look.

"What are you going to do?" Haley asked, I didn't answer. "Have guys seen a doctor?" Haley stood up as I walked over to the cabinet, trying to pick up the knife.

"Yes, Haley. Its bad..." I had tear run down my face. "Its really bad." I sobbed, she pulled me in for a hug.

"Your going to get through this and your not doing this alone...you have me, Nathan, Skills, Millicent, Mouth and Lucas. He's going to be okay...I promised." Haley promised me something that she couldn't keep. All of a sudden there was a loud bang, that was very painful to my ears, it sounded exactly like a gun shot. Haley and I fell to the ground, the sound ringed in my ear for minute. My fingers clinch to the palms making a fist, I stopped breathing for a moment, leaving my chest really tight, my eyes become wide as can be, I started to breathe heavy, you could see the my veins bulging out from the neck. My brows drew together as I bit my lip, I coughed from taking in so much air. I could still hear the gun shot in my ear, Haley helped me up from the ground. I ran from the kitchen to the backyard. I stopped, my heart stopped with my feet. Children ran around with fear in there eyes, tears with them. They screamed in terror, running towards the front door. Parents grabbed children and screamed with them, everything went in slow motion. The balloons flew into the air, separating themselves from one another. The play houses were deflating into nothing, cake was everywhere and cups.

"Jamie." I couldn't hear my voice, I guess I whispered. I swallowed deeply, trying to catch my breath. "Jamie!" I yelled out, I took a step forward but my knees became weak. I felt like I was going to throw up everywhere. I looked around, I couldn't see Lucas either. "Lucas!" My voice was raspy, he wouldn't be able to hear me. There was no sound, just screams. I realized panic had set in but had no idea how to calm myself. My heart was racing and I had trouble breathing, let alone figure out what the next rational move should be. All I had was the worst in my head, the two people that mean the most to me...are...I dont know. "Jamie!" I held onto my stomach. "Lucas!" I screamed, my voice was getting louder. I could feel my pulse beating in my ear. "Jamie!" I yelled even louder, taking all my breathe away. Again...no sound. "Lucas!" My scream was more terrified. I couldn't lose them both, I can't.


	2. Driving into the mist

"Your going to get through this and your not doing this alone...you have me, Nathan, Skills, Millicent, Mouth and Lucas. He's going to be okay...I promised." Haley promised me something that she couldn't keep. All of a sudden there was a loud bang, that was very painful to my ears, it sounded exactly like a gun shot. Haley and I fell to the ground, the sound ringed in my ear for minute. My fingers clinch to the palms making a fist, I stopped breathing for a moment, leaving my chest really tight, my eyes become wide as can be, I started to breathe heavy, you could see the my veins bulging out from the neck. My brows drew together as I bit my lip, I coughed from taking in so much air. I could still hear the gun shot in my ear, Haley helped me up from the ground. I ran from the kitchen to the backyard. I stopped, my heart stopped with my feet. Children ran around with fear in there eyes, tears with them. They screamed in terror, running towards the front door. Parents grabbed children and screamed with them, everything went in slow motion. The balloons flew into the air, separating themselves from one another. The play houses were deflating into nothing, cake was everywhere and cups.

"Jamie." I couldn't hear my voice, I guess I whispered. I swallowed deeply, trying to catch my breath. "Jamie!" I yelled out, I took a step forward but my knees became weak. I felt like I was going to throw up everywhere. I looked around, I couldn't see Lucas either. "Lucas!" My voice was raspy, he wouldn't be able to hear me. There was no sound, just screams. I realized panic had set in but had no idea how to calm myself. My heart was racing and I had trouble breathing, let alone figure out what the next rational move should be. All I had was the worst in my head, the two people that mean the most to me...are...I dont know. "Jamie!" I held onto my stomach. "Lucas!" I screamed, my voice was getting louder. I could feel my pulse beating in my ear. "Jamie!" I yelled even louder, taking all my breathe away. Again...no sound. "Lucas!" My scream was more terrified.

"Brooke!" I heard my name being called, I turned around.

"Mommie!" His voice was heaven. He ran to me, I picked him up. I couldn't let go, I kissed his neck and his cheek. My son was okay, Jamie was okay. We walked outside, meeting everyone else. Skills and Nathan walked up to us, asking if we were okay. I could breathe again, Lucas' hand was on my back and it felt good to feel his touch again. Haley walked over to us, her daughter right beside her. She held onto her tightly, looking up at Nathan. Mouth ran up to us, still asking if we were okay. Yes, everyone was okay.

"What the hell happened?" I said angrily, Jamie looked up at me. Nathan grabbed Jamie and his little girl Lydia and walked them to a parent. Nathan slowly walked back over to us, crossing his arms. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, I could hear the police coming. Mouth and Skills suspiciously looked at each other. Lucas pulled me in for hug but I stayed in his arms.

"What? Did you see anything?" Lucas asked Skills, I looked over at mouth. The tears were still in my eyes.

"Was it one of the parents?" I asked Mouth, he gulped. "Its one of the parents isn't it?" I looked at the parents, holding to my child; calming them down.

"It wasn't one of the parents." Skills shook his head, calming down like the children. Mouth glanced at Skills one more time, without saying anything.

"I am this close from bitch slapping you both right now. Tell me what you saw." I demanded.

"If its one of the people here-" Lucas tried to tell them.

"It wasn't one of the moms," Mouth interrupted. "It was Peyton." He whispered, I leaned in closely.

"Come again?" I heard what he said but I didn't believe it.

"That's impossible, Peyton is in a different state. She doesn't even know about Jamie's birthday party." Lucas rolled his eyes, trying not to think about Peyton.

"How did she know where it was or when it was?" I asked everyone.

"I invited her." Nathan voice was deep. Haley took another step closer to Nathan, wanting to slap him.

"You didn't." Haley placed her hands on her hips, Nathan looked down.

"I did." Nathan confessed.

"Really, Nathan? What the hell were you thinking?" Lucas rose his voice a little.

"Peyton called me and said that she wanted to apologize to you. I didn't know she was going to go all crazy and shoot people, alright?" Nathan yelled back at Lucas. My heart beat was fast...

"She wanted to apologize?" Haley didn't believe that's what Peyton wanted.

"Great, Nathan. You let a physio in Tree Hill." Skills sniffed. Haley looked at me, she could see that I was a little worried. She looked at my eyes down to my feet, her eyes became wide and narrow. Lucas looked at me, looking down at my legs also. I looked down and there was a stream of blood running down my leg. In the second, I started to feel pain. Lucas grabbed me before I fell to the ground, the paramedics came to help patch me up. Lucas walked over to me in the ambulance, it became dark.

"Are you okay?" He frowned, all this must be stressing him.

"Our son has cancer, I have glass in my leg and Your ex-girlfriend tried to shoot up a birthday party. I'm doing fine." I lied to him. He huffed.

"Maybe she didn't do it." Lucas shrugged.

"Of course, you take her side." I closed my eyes, trying to think of a better place.

"Brooke-" He tried to say.

"A relationship is meant for two people, obviously some bitches dont know how to count." The parametric let me go, I had this huge patch on my leg. Lucas touched my thigh.

"Does it hurt?" Lucas bit his lip.

"It was only a glass in my leg but yea." I cleared my throat.

"Does that mean no sex tonight?" Lucas playfully said. I hit him on the shoulder, laughing at him comment.

"Jamie!" I yelled for his name, he was talking to a girl. "Come on, sweetheart. It's time to go." I waved at him, he nodded and started to say goodbye to his friend. "He's only four and he's already getting the girls." I pouted.

"Like father like son." Lucas winked at Jamie.

"Ha, whatever." I rolled my eyes.

"Do you think you can walk all the way to the car?" Lucas looked down at my leg once more.

"No, You should just pull up. It's all the way down the street...they had to move it." I kissed his cheek. Jamie started to walk over to us slowly.

"Do you think that is safe that your mother stand here alone?" Lucas asked Jamie, Jamie looked at me.

"No." Jamie smiled a little.

"Yea, me either." Lucas placed his hands on his hips.

"Lucas, you cant carry me all the way down there." I laughed, I stood by Jamie. Lucas looked down at Jamie and winked once more. Jamie winked back at him. Lucas slowly picked me up and suddenly I was in his arms. He started to walk down the street.

"No, its fine. It would be romantic." Lucas kept walking. "Do you know what this reminds me of?" Lucas asked me. "Our wedding night." Lucas kinked his eyebrow, looking down at me. Jamie held onto my hand, making sure that he wouldn't go anywhere.

"I never knew that you were this strong." I laid my head on his shoulder. We finally made it to the car, we all got in. Lucas started to drive through town, it calmed me and Jamie down.

"Do you want to ride all night?" Lucas asked us.

"Yes." Me and Jamie said quickly. We loved how the light hit the car, how the town was so quiet at night. The car was warm and relaxing.

"Can you tell me the story of you and mom?" Jamie asked us.

"Do you want your mom to tell it?" Lucas looked in the mirror at Jamie.

"No, I like it when you tell it." Jamie smiled widely. Lucas chuckled looking down at me, I shrugged my shoulders happily.

"Alright, listen very closely..." he began to say. "I wasn't nervous...more scared than nervous. It was the old church where my uncle Keith was were supposed to get married. Your mother is a very loveable person, so the whole town was there...I couldn't see your mother but I knew she was going to look beautiful. My friends congratulated me and said that I was doing good to the world for making up my mind on who I loved. I couldn't have a day without hearing your mother's voice..." Lucas turned, making me close my eyes.

"You went to her room." Jamie said finishing his sentence. Lucas chuckled, continuing what he was saying.

"Ah yes. So, I knocked on the door and I could hear little movement in the room. Brooke came to the door but didn't open it."

_"Who is it?" Brooke leaned towards the door, she placed her ear on the door waiting for an answer._

_"Your future husband." Lucas chuckled, Brooke closed her eyes with excitement. The door opened a little, Brooke held out her hand but only her head. Lucas looked down, they intertwined their hands together. "Do you ever think that this would have ever happened to us?" Lucas carefully asked._

_"No." Brooke laughed a little. "But we found each other." Brooke whispered, holding onto him tightly. There was a pause for a moment. "I'm scared." Brooke legs became weak but she stood up._

_"Don't be." Lucas quickly said to her. "because I love you so much and I will always love you. Your the one for me." Lucas kissed her hand. He finally let go as she shut the door, he stood there for a moment and walked to the alter. _

"I stood there at the alter, waiting for the beautiful girl that took my heart away years ago." Lucas looked down at me, as I looked at the lights. "The music started to play but it was a different song, not the original. The original was boring. Turning pages by sleeping at last, started to play. It was a beautiful song for an amazing women." Lucas whispered. "The door opened and..." Lucas chuckled.

"Mom came." Jamie continued his sentence.

"Yes, she did. I never thought I would find someone like your mother, she was so perfect. Her hair was placed in a bun and she had this strap-less gown. My heart sank into my stomach but I realized..."

"You hit the jackpot," Jamie smiled, me and Lucas laughed.

"Yes, a big one but she was more than beautiful, she was more of an angel. We locked eyes on each other and I could see my future with her. I grabbed her hand and pulled her in front of me. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her...the stories that were going to tell, we were going tell it well...and then we said our vows..."

_Lucas had his vows stuck in his head, ready to tell her. The pastor looked over at Lucas and he started to say his vows._

_"I had this whole speech about nothing, it describe as well as I thought...so I'm just going to wing it, if that's alright with you?" Lucas asked Brooke, Brooke grabbed his hands._

_"Yes, that's okay." Brooke smiled._

_"Well, I'll start with this...I waited a hundred years for you and I'll wait a million more. My life didn't have meaning before you came along, I didn't know which direction I was going, I couldn't see the beauty of the world. I didn't know I could ever love someone so much...I love you...I just really love you. You saved my life Brooke Davis and I didn't even know it until now. You sacrificed everything for me, There is nothing...That I wouldn't do...for you." Lucas swallowed. "When I look at you...I just feel safe. I see my life with you when I look into your eyes. I look at you and I...I'm in love..." Lucas smiled a little. "I'm not perfect but you accept me for who I am and you never left my side. Loving someone is you open up to suffering but I would take those risks. You give me purpose...I knew in the beginning that you were the one for me. Love is crazy and I need a little crazy in my life. I will protect you, no matter what comes my way. Sometimes I wonder how it would be without you...It would really suck...I dont want to think about that. I finally feel something now...with you. It all started from the first time I saw you, I never seen something soo perfect. I thought, If i dont get that girl now; I mine as well throw myself in front of a bus...You are the best love that I've ever had. You make my world light again, I cant Imagine myself without you or waking up and your not there. If I haven't made this clear before, I'll make this clear now...I love you, I am so blindly, crazy, selfishly in love with you." Lucas finished._

"Wow." Jamie said dozing off.

* * *

My mind is fuzzy, the last remnants of a dream being chased away by the realization that I am awake again. It was a nice dream, something about sitting in a big oak tree in meadow full of flowers but the details are fading fast even as I try to recall them. With a mental sigh I allow my brain to focus and cautiously open one eye. The bright spring sunlight cuts the room in half and I see dust-motes dancing in the wall of light. I pull the duvet up over my head to keep it out. It's not going to work, my brain is awake now and already worrying about Jamie. We went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago, we try not to think about it but we have to. I looked left and Lucas wasn't beside me or Jamie. I slowly stood up, still feeling the pain in my thigh. I walked down the hallway into Lucas's study, a little office for him. Lucas was hovering over his lap top, there was a website up for cancer. I walked over to him, he pulled his seat back; so that I could sit on his lap. I looked at the website again, he scrolled down to see the doctors. St. Judes children hospital.

"I cant believe this is happening." I sighed. He squinted his eyes.

"I feel like I failed him." Lucas said honestly, I made him look at me.

"You didn't." I kissed him, It's been a couple of weeks since the party and I just wanted to spend time with Jamie.

"So, what do we do now?" Lucas asked me.

"If there's anything that could be done, we would be doing it." I walked into the kitchen. He followed me, I didn't want to think about any of this. I didn't want to relive the moment over and over again.

"What are we supposed to do?! Just give up on 'em?!" Lucas rose his voice at me, I slammed my hand on the table; turning towards Lucas.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said calmly.

"Brooke, we need to talk about it because its happening. Our son might die." Lucas said doubtfully.

"He is not going to die! AND I'M NOT GIVING UP ON OUR SON!" I yelled at him. I walked past him, going into Jamie's room. Jamie was still in his bed, looking up at the walls. Lucas and I walked to each side of his bed, giving Jamie comfort. "Do you think you want to get up?" I rubbed his head, he was a little hot.

"I dont feel good, it hurts." Jamie moaned.

"Were going to the doctors today, Your just have to stay there for a while...so they can make you better." Lucas took his arm. His face looked pinched, his eyes glassy. He was only 4, but his emotions acted like he had been around for a long time. I thought he was going to cry, but he didn't. It was an emotion I couldn't put my finger on. Worried, he looked worried.

"Momma...I don't want to die." Jamie voice broke. Lucas looked up at me with tears his eyes and his lips trembling. They looked at me for an answer like I was supposed to have an answer.

"It's not fair." I whispered to myself. "Were going to be okay." I kissed him on his cheek and he was getting warmer. Lucas followed me to the kitchen again, I didnt want to argue anymore about this.

"I am just afraid that it's just going to be the two of us." Lucas apologized.

"It won't." I told him.

* * *

_"OH. MY. GOD!" Brooke screamed in pain, the baby was coming and it was coming fast. She just graduated high school, leaving her child life behind and starting a new one. Lucas held onto her hand, trying to calm her down. Nathan and Haley were driving the car but Peyton was in the far back with Mouth. "The babies coming!" Brooke screamed again._

_"Just hold on for one minute, try putting your legs together." Lucas was trying to help her with the siuation. _

_"You did this to me. You put this demon inside of me." Brooke began to cry. _

_"No, no no no. Dont cry, please dont cry." Lucas begged her. They were almost at the hospital, inches away._

_"Shouldn't have had sex." Peyton shrugged her shoulders._

_"Shut up!" Everyone yelled at her, Peyton leaned back in the leather seat. Brooke screamed again, she felt like the baby was ripping her apart. Lucas opened the door, helping Brooke on the stretch. The doctors started to race down to a room, where they could have the baby. Lucas followed, trying to calm her down but she was budging. They helped her on the bed, getting her ready to have the baby. Brooke opened her eyes wide as the she pushed, from the pain. One last scream and her son was here. They cleaned him up and handed him to Brooke. Lucas had a tear run down his face, he started to think about his life and how he was going to spend it. He wanted to spend it with Brooke for the rest of his life. The baby cried until he was in Lucas' hands and the room became silent._

* * *

I couldn't breathe or move a muscle, Lucas and Jamie were already at the hospital; waiting for me. I couldn't think about anything right now. There was a small knock at the door, I waited tell the person went away but they door kept making rhythm. It was more of slow and creepy knock, it sent chills through my body. The knocking finally stopped but a voice started.

"Come on, Brooke." His voice was raspy and cold. I held onto my purse with my eyes wide open and my mind spinning. "Last time I've seen you was win you said you were pregnant and when you had Jamie." He talked so slow. "I'm sorry to here about Jamie, such a shame." It sounded more sarcastic. I was scared but then it turned into anger. It started to rain but I was hoping that he would go away. He didn't leave. "I know your in there, Brooke." He chuckled. "Just. Let. Me. In." her voice was so addictive. The rain hit the window hard, I dropped my purse on the ground. "It wasn't Peyton at the party...She didn't to shoot anyone but it seemed like she was there and so was I." Derek smirked, I swung the door open. Derek charged at me, swung me down to the ground. His hands felt like ice as they closed in a vise like grip around my neck. The crazed look in his eyes terrified me as his grip became tighter and tighter and my breath was stopped. I fought back instinctively terrified about what was on the other side. My nails dug into his skin but his grip was unyielding. As my lungs began to burn from lack of air I reached for his face and felt my nails once again connect with Derek's flesh. I began to see dark spots across my vision as I became more and more frantic. His blood splashed on my face as I felt myself weaken. Why was he doing this what had I done? Where my thoughts as I felt tears either from frustration or pure terror stream from my eyes. I felt my arms go limp lungs burning ever so painfully as darkness overcame my sight. Seconds later I knew no more.


	3. Everyone dies someday, today is someday

I shot up straight in bed, i was covered in sweat and breathing heavily. I looked all around me, trying to get a since of where i was. phew, im in my room. That was a terrible nightmare. Images flashed throught my head all at once. How will i be able to sleep after that? Will i ever be able to sleep? I thought as i lowered my body back into a layinh position and stared at the cealing. Why me? What the hell? Was I dreaming about Derek? He wasn't my problem, he was Peyton's. In the peace of the afternoon, the shrill scream of my telephone cut the silence like a runaway train heading for a broken bridge, wheels shrieking on twisted metal rails. I sighed, heaved myslelf off the couch, and picked it up. A quick glance at the caller ID told me everything I needed to know. It was Lucas. Lucas called for many things. My finger hesitated over the talk button only a moment before pressing it. I held the phone to my ear. "Hello?" I was out breath.

"Were at the hospital, I think you should come." His voice was different, sad even.

"I Just...I was just making cookies." I lied to him. He chuckled.

"Brooke...You cant bake." I could see his smile already. I buried my face under my covers, not wanting to get out of bed.

"Promise me that everything is going to be alirght?" I had to make him promise me, I couldn't feel anyting because I didn't want to.

"I dont know, Brooke." Lucas whispered. I nodded, realizing reality has taken its course in my life. I quickly hung up the phone, there was no going back. I slowly slid back against my bed, still looking at the ceiling.

* * *

_Brooke walked into the cold house, alone. She was nine months pregnant and big. She knew that Lucas was with Peyton, they were always together. The girl behind the red door was now just the girl behind the red door; not Lucas' girl anymore or his pretty girl. She knew what she feels for Lucas, she knows what she wants from him. Since she's been pregnant, they've been farther and farther apart from each other. She was crazy in love with him, it was kind of funny. Brooke walked over to the mirror, she had on a perfect red dress and her hair was wrapped up. A red laced gown is what she was wearing, they were having a ball for charity. She was going to the courage of a lion to face Lucas and Peyton but she had her friends. She heard a slight honk from outside, she wasn't in any shape of going out or that's what the doctor said to her. She walked outside, wobbling. Mouth watched her struggle as she tried to shut her door. He ran up to her, grabbing her waist._

_"I don't think you should be out." Mouth smiled at her. Brooke closed her eyes, her stomach was feeling heavier by the minute. _

_"I'm going to tell Lucas that I love him." Brooke had no breath, the baby was taking all her air._

_"Is he going to be at the dance?" Mouth wrapped his hand behind Brooke's back, he watched her walk to his car._

_"Yea, he's going with Peyton." Brooke rolled her eyes, Mouth helped her in the car as he pressed his hands on her back. Brooke groaned as she sat down, Mouth rushed to the drivers seat. He turned on the car and started to drive to the ball. Getting into the car was a work out for Brooke, she glanced over at Mouth. He looked so handsome._

_"You look handsome," Brooke smiled, Mouth chuckled still worried about her. _

_"You made it." Mouth started to drive faster. _

_"I did pretty good." Brooke kinked her eyebrow. Mouth hesitated on what he was going to say to her._

_"I hope that you have a wonderful life, Brooke. I hope you get everything you wished for." Mouth was blocks away from the ball. Brooke grabbed his right hand and held it tight. Brooke and Mouth walked in hand by hand with two man opening the double doors. The room was filled with beautiful people, huge dresses and young students. The soft music was playing loud but not to loud...you could still hear the voices of the people. Some guests glanced over at Brooke but she had her eye on someone. Lucas. He was dancing with Peyton, his eyes weren't on her but the other guests around them. He had a playful smile, it took her heart away. Lucas turned Peyton around, turning his face towards the door. Her eyes lit up as the corners of her mouth tuned, the dimples in her cheeks appeared as her whole face showed the amusement of the moment. Lucas slowly let go of Peyton, whispering something in her ear. Brooke and Lucas meet each other in the middle of the dance floor. Their palms touched, fingers entwined. The bases of their hands are so close that the warmth in between is shared, completely one. Lucas spun her under his arm, pulling her closer. Brooke realized what she was here for but she waited until the song was over. Lucas took a step back but had his arms wrapped around her._

_"Peyton's waiting for me." Lucas whispered, he couldn't look into her eyes._

_"Please dont go." Brooke begged him._

_"Brooke, I'm not going anywhere. I will always be with you." Lucas huffed._

_"Because I'm pregnant with your son." Brooke tried not to raise her voice, she looked over the corner. Peyton was eyeballing her, giving her dirty looks._

_"I can't leave her." Lucas took another step back. It all had to come out at once or she will let him go._

_"Lucas-" Brooke tried to explain herself._

_"Brooke, If you have something to tell me-" Lucas swallowed._

_"I do." She said quickly._

_"Then what?" He was getting in patient. _

_"I love you." Brooke bit her lip, Lucas laughed at her until she looked serious. He let out another small laugh, an believable laugh._

_"Brooke, I have told you a million times that I loved you...and...and you tell that I'm meant to be with Peyton." Lucas giving Brooke's words back to her. "Where you scared?" Lucas asked her._

_"No." Brooke rolled her eyes._

_"Yes, you were Brooke. I wasn't going to break your heart-"_

_"No, I wasn't scared." Brooke kept saying._

_"What are you not telling me?" Lucas demanded._

_"I wasn't scared of what will come tomorrow because you were my yesterday," Brooke swallowed deeply. "She snatched you before I even saw the end coming," Brooke pointed to Peyton." I miss you, everyday..." Brooke paused for a moment, she looked behind him. Her head was turning and her stomach was making her feel heavier. "You were mine once, I watched you blossom. I'm not sorry I love you, I will never be." Brooke kissed Lucas on the cheek and walked away from him. She walked outside, hoping that he would stop her...she waited and waited until she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around, Lucas had a frown._

_"You can't do that." Lucas rose his voice. "You can't tell me you love me and, and...and walked out." Lucas cleared his throat. "I need to know if your in this with me because your having my son. You can't back out on this one, Brooke." Lucas begged her. Brooke and Lucas looked at each other in silence. They were so close, She could feel the heat of his body warm hers, she could hear the soft whisper of his breath as he exhaled. Brooke inched closer, and felt his hands encircle his again. She looked up at him, his soft blue eyes already locked on hers. He ran his fingertips up her forearm, leaving a trail of goosebumps blooming in their wake. Lucas brought his hands up to cup her cheek, his thumb running along the curve of her cheekbone. Brooke nestled into his hand, feeling his warmth seep into hers. Lucas leaned in, lips parting slightly, his eyes flitting down to the rest of Brooke's. Lucas' kiss was soft but urgent. Their lips moved in unison. Brooke felt a rushing feeling but then pain. Brooke broke their kiss, squeezing his shoulder from her pain. Brooke let out a slight groan, feeling the pressure. Lucas looked down at her, her water broke. Lucas gently sat her down on the porch._

_"The babies coming," Lucas kept repeating._

_"H-H-H" Brooke whispered. Lucas drew closer to her, trying listen harder._

_"What?" He said in a panic. Brooke grabbed his collar, pulling him closer._

_"Haley!" Brooke yelled at him._

* * *

I walked into the hospital I was a emotional train wreck. I walked in the farther back, where they were keeping my son. I couldn't go into the room and I can't understand anything. I saw Lucas outside of his door, he opened me up with a hug. Before I could say anything the doctor came over to us, she had her small clipboard in her hand. I sniffed, taking back my tears. I could just manage to start breathing normal when I heard a thump only a few feet from me, then I stopped breathing all together. The silence was unbearable, I needed more information but there was nothing for me to go on, my heart sank. I looked up at her, she had long red hair and dark brown eyes. She looked harmless. She took a deep swallow and she looked at my husband, What was she going to tell me?

"I am sorry," Her voice was strong but I could tell that she was breaking. She looked at the board and back up at me. "The cancer has spread, there's nothing I can do." She looked back at Lucas, I guess she couldn't see my face fall. I looked up at Lucas for a different answer, I guess he already heard the news. I parted away from him, pushing him off. I looked up at him, A single drop of grief welled up from the corner of his eye and suddenly, the damn thing broke. Hot torrents of grief coursed down his face, his racking sobs lost in the high depression. I shook my head, not believing what they were saying. This was my son.

"No." I tried to hold back the tears. "No, he- he...he cant." I tried to piece my words together and then I broke down entirely. Small tiny crystal beads creeped out of my eyes, one after another, soon it turned into a flowing stream of sorrow that ran down my face and dripped from my pointed chin into my shirt. The doctor didn't say anything else, she just walked away. My son was dying and I couldn't do anything, I've asked god to take my life instead of his but he hasn't answered me yet. Please, dont let my son die...I can't live without him. I backed away from Lucas, I was angry with him. He didn't want to hear this from the doctor but I should have seen it coming. I whipped my tears and cleared my throat. I started to walk into Jamie's room, Lucas tried to grab me but I pushed him off. I walked over to my sons bed, his small eyes opened from his sleep. I wonder what he was dreaming of, a better life than this...i hope. He looked around the sad room, it was depressing.

"I'm scared." He whispered, Lucas suddenly came into the room. His face was completely red and hurt.

"Your a warrior, You're tougher than anything that will come your way." I winked at him with a playful smile. He suddenly closed his eyes and went back to his deep sleep.

* * *

I stormed into my house without out my son, just with my husband. For the first time ever, I was without my son. This house never felt different than it did today. I looked at my kitchen, I wanted to destroy everything but held into my anger. Bad things circled my mind, had to keep my son. I blocked what the doctor said out of my head but it kept coming back, breaking me down. I threw my keys and purse at the wall over by the living room. I walked into the kitchen, looking for my bowl that Jamie made for me. He made the bowl, to make cookies, it had all these drawings on them and our names carved in it. Lucas walked in behind me, slamming the door behind him. I jumped a little but continued to find the bowl. My son was dying and it was because of me, my family had it and I didn't think about effecting my son. I started to look in my cabinets but I couldn't find the ball. I could feel Lucas' eyes on me, staring down at me. I couldn't find THE DAMN BOWL! WHERE IS THE BOWL?! I started to throw things, I grabbed a cup and threw it behind me. I could hear it break, I started to throw even more things. I grabbed a glass pitcher and threw it over Lucas's head; hitting the door. Lucas walked over towards me, I slammed another glass bowl on the ground. Lucas quickly grabbed my hands, stopping me from doing anything else. I tried to let go but he had a strong grip. I looked down at his shoes, there were little drops of tears hitting surface of his shoe. His fingers were cold and strong, I glanced up at him. He was crying, i never seen him cry like this before.

"Stop." He demanded.

"Let me go," I warned him. "Let me go!" I yelled, pushing him off. I walked past him, entering my dining room that was right across from the living room. The rain started to pour and I could feel the cold air breathing through. I hated this house, I hate everything damn thing. I hate the way it was decorated and how it was moved. "We need to redecorate. I hate how..." I pointed to everything, I couldn't explain it.

"Brooke-" Lucas tried to say.

"We need to call someone because the hot water is not working again." I was going to keep myself busy or at least try to be.

"Bro-" I stopped him again before he could get my full name out.

"And me we...we...we need to call someone for Jamie...because my son has cancer." I sobbed, it was so sad that it was hysterical. I laughed. "My son has cancer." I said to him.

"We can get through this." Lucas tried to cheer me up.

"Why is this happening to me?! I know I was a bitch but...my son?" I questioned god.

"Its going to be okay." Lucas whispered.

"Do you honestly believe that?" I grabbed my keys. "SHE SAID THAT SHE COULDN'T DO ANYTHING! SHE SAID THAT CANCER SPREAD!" I yelled at him.

"I know what she said! doesn't mean that you have to believe her! We can fix this" Lucas had hope but my hope was taken and shredded to pieces. "If your giving up on him than...your just a terrible mother." Lucas shrugged his shoulders. I couldn't say anything else to him, I grabbed my keys and walked off into the rain. I took his car and started to drive off. I looked at the rear view mirror and I could see him, he fell to his knees. I pressed on the gas, heading towards the bridge. "Such of a bitch!" I groaned, hitting the wheel with my fist. I was so frustrated, I closed my eyes for just a second...a second but that second was enough to kill me. Disappointment, disbelief and fear filled my mind as I lye on my side, sandwiched between the cold, soft dirt and the hot, slick metal of the car. The weight of the car pressed down on the lower half of my body with monster force. It did not hurt, my body was numb. All I could feel was the car hood's mass stamping my body father and farther into the ground. My lungs felt pinched shut and air would neither enter nor escape them. My mind was buzzing. What had just happened? In the distance, on that cursed road, I saw cars driving by completely unaware of what happened, how I felt. I tried to yell but my voice was unheard. All I could do was wait. Wait for someone to help me or wait to die.


	4. My best friend

My mind was running freely, I had no control over it. I opened my eyes, There was something in the road; a person or a animal. Without any thought, purely by instinct I pulled the wheel of the car to the left and back over to the right. No big deal but I was going fast. The car swerved back to the left, to the right, to the left. Each time I could feel the car scratching the earth with its side. My body jolted with the sporadic movements of the car. The car swerved to the right for the last time. With my eyes sealed tight, I could feel my body float off the seat of the car.

I opened my eyes to see the black road in the distance above me. I could feel the cold ground on the side of my body. I couldn't move and couldn't understand why. It had happened so quickly. I lay there until my mind comprehended what had happened. I was wedged between the hood of the car and the dirt. The car rustled, every movement of the car pierced my body. I could see someone and I knew that someone. I opened my mouth to yell her name but air failed to escape my lips. Gasping like a fish out of water, I dreamily lied there until someone would help.

I heard an uneasy voice in the distance, "Brooke! Oh my God! Brooke!" It was Peyton. I was disappointed and embarrassed of myself. My voice yelled for help as my heart beat rapidly with fear and relief. The car jiggled. I could feel the weight of the car lift slowly off me. For the first time, intense pain struck my lower half. "Crawl out of there," someone yelled to me. I pushed against the ground with all my might but I couldn't move. The pain was excruciating, nevertheless I could not feel the lower half of my body. I felt paralyzed. Still struggling to move, I felt strong arms glide around my shoulders and under my armpits. They drug me out of the way of the falling car. Peyton had saved me. As I lye on the weed covered ground, several people surrounded me. I dreamily looked. I sat there in shock. Was it just a dream? Everything had happened so fast. Every minute lying on that dirt felt like a lifetime. Strangers kept poking every inch of my body and prodding me with questions that I didn't have answers to. Peyton walked over to me, checking if I was okay but I didn't make a sound. Is anyone seeing this? If they only knew what was going through my mind, If they only knew how dangerous she was. Finally, the ambulance arrived. They rushed over to me. They asked me a number of questions that I obliviously answered and started to get me ready to go. With a bright orange brace around my neck they slowly pushed me onto a stiff backboard. Each tiny movement they made pierced my lower half like a knife. We finally made it into the ambulance and made our way to the hospital.  
I was sent to the Tree Hill hospital with Peyton by my side. Why was she still here? She looked at me closely and telling me that I needed to have surgery done and that she would stay with me. I was sent to the Tree Hill Memorial Hospital, where I went under surgery that same night around midnight. A plate was put on my hipbones to help them stay together. I closed my eyes ready to dream of my life, how my life was ripped away from me.

* * *

_"I heard the bird whistle a song, over and over again but i liked it. I could hear it, it was so amazing. I heard that song before, I heard the bird sing that once. Maybe when I was a kid and once everything was better? or when I was with Jamie on the day he was born? I dont know but it was a beautiful sound**.**" Brooke said to Lucas while they were in bed. She turned to her right and he wasn't there, she was just talking to herself. She stood up, crawling out of her bed while groaning. It was still night but she could still hear the birds sing. She walked out of her room, slowly walking down the hallway. She could hear humming in Jamie's room, she opened the door to find Lucas rocking little Jamie in his hands. Jamie let out a small cry but it soon faded as Lucas continued to hum a lullaby. Its been a week since they were at the doctors and they could finally bring Jamie home. Lucas sat Jamie down in his crib and walked out of the room with Brooke in his hand. Lucas and Brooke were still at his mothers house until they could find a place of their own or be someone to get a bigger place._

_"Were making it." Lucas smiled, they thought they couldn't do it but they could. Lucas doesn't care if he has to wake up in the middle of the night, he likes it. He just wished the baby would have came later in his life, when he was ready to be a father. Brooke slid her fingers through his long hair, he was trying to grow it out._

_"I love you Lucas Scott, You know that? I love who you are and your an incredible dad." Brooke kissed him on the cheek. Lucas grabbed her hands so he could look into her eyes._

_"Whatever takes for me to be a good father, I'll be there...I promise you. I wont let you down." Lucas promised her everything and he usually kept them. They heard a cry in the room, they both huffed but enjoyed Jamie. Brooke tried to go into the room but Lucas stopped her. "I got it." Lucas walked into the room, slowly picking up Jamie from his crib. He sat down in the rocking chair and started to hum again._

_"I love you. Good night." Brooke said once again, making sure he understood where they stand. She slowly shut the door, listening to beautiful hums of Lucas._

* * *

My Hospital Room After undergoing a three-hour surgery, I was in my hospital room heavy-eyed, and groggy from the anesthesia. As I was waking up, I felt my right arm blowing up like a balloon. I thought it would burst at any moment, but then I realized the pressure I was feeling was only the nurse taking my blood pressure. After the nurse left the room, I began to come to my senses. My mouth and throat were dry like the Mojave Desert. I could still smell the plastic from the tubes that were in my nose and throat. Next to my bed stood a one-drawer nightstand, and on top was a pink pitcher and cup filled with water and crushed ice. I poured myself a cold glass of water and every swallow was soothing to my parched mouth and throat. The room I occupied had two beds and curtains attached to the ceiling that I could pull to make each side semi private. The walls had white wallpaper with a flower design pressed in it. On three of the walls hung pictures of what seemed to be endless fields of wildflowers. The bed I was lying in was hard and stiff with plastic on the mattress. It made a crinkling sound when I moved, as if I had a plastic bag in my bed. The side of the bed had silver metal rails that you could pull up to keep from falling out of bed. Attached to the bed by a cord was the remote control for both the bed and the TV. I played with the remote, pushing the buttons and found I could raise my legs up or down, sit up to watch TV or lie flat to sleep. Mounted high on the wall for easy viewing while lying in bed was the TV, with a hundred cable channels I could flip through while drifting in and out of sleep. The floors in the room were made of black and white checkered tile that was cold on my bare feet when I got out of bed to hunt for the bathroom. I quickly used the restroom and walked back to my bed. Lucas came into the room with flowers in his hand, he quickly kissed my me.

"Hey." I remembered what happened last night and how I acted, I was hurt that my son was probably going to die.

"Brooke, I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it." Lucas pulled up a chair next to me as I stood on the edge of my hospital bed.

"No, you were right..." I looked down at myself. "I am a terrible mother." I sobbed, Lucas pulled me closer towards him.

"I dont want to hear you say that, our son needs us right now." Lucas kissed my forehead.

"How is Jamie?" I bit my lip, ready to hear the bad news.

"He's dying, Brooke." His voice became soft and distant. "But i spoke to the doctor and she said that she might do something." Lucas took his hand away from my face. I started to listen. "She could do surgery but its a big one. It might take a few hours...20 hours." Lucas corrected himself.

"20 hours! Can she do that?" I stood up from my bed, standing in front of him.

"Yes. The surgery could either help him or-" Lucas didn't finish his sentence, I knew what he was going to say.

"I want her to do it." I quickly said to him. Lucas stood up, grabbing my hands.

"Brooke, If this doesn't work...We might lose Jamie." Lucas kissed my hand, I huffed by the decisions that I have to make.

"And if we dont do the surgery, he suffers." The door to my room opened and in came Peyton. Lucas put his hands on my waist, pulling me close to him. Her hair was different, she wasn't blonde anymore. She saved me from dying, if she wasn't there...I could have died.

"Not now, Peyton." Lucas warned her. He knew that she was here, maybe they spoke when he came to the hospital. Peyton looked up at Lucas, like she did years ago and then she looked at me. There was someone else with her, someone that I have seen before. Derek walked past the room, I could see him through the glass window that showed the main hall of the hospital. He looked at me and continued to pace back and forth. She was with him, Why was she with him?

"Are you okay?" I tried to take a step but Lucas held me back. I could tell that she had a lot on her mind, that she wanted to tell me something, something important. We could help her, we could show her how to get away from Derek.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay." Peyton cleared her throat, I opened my mouth to speak but Lucas cut in.

"She's fine. I think you should go...Peyton." He choose his words carefully, he didnt want to be rude or act like an ass. He finally looked away from her as she stared. She crossed her arms and walked out of my room. I pressed my hands on my face, closing in on the darkness beneath my finger tips. Lucas grabbed a hold of me, squeezing me tightly.

"She's not okay." I said, pressing my face against his chest. Lucas looked out the window, seeing Peyton look at him.

"I know." His voice changed completely, he was hurt.

* * *

_Lucas woke up with a shadow blocking the sun from his face. He opened his pretty blue eyes and slowly saw Brooke. Her soft elegant her flows beneath her, framing her face. Her smile took a chance on the world, making it better. She placed a pillow under her white shirt, seeing what she would look like when she gets bigger. She turned side to side, not realizing that Lucas was awake. Lucas smiled, laughing silently. Brooke turned around, putting her hands on her hips. The pillow dropped to the floor, showing Brooke's baby bump. Lucas turned over on his back when Brooke laid beside him in her bed. He spent the night, she didn't want to be alone. Lucas kissed her hard stomach and placed his ear against it. Brooke loved it when he touched her or kissed her, it made her feel safe and wanted.  
_

_"I heard, that if you place head phones on the stomach that the baby would be a singer or know good music." Brooke shrugged her shoulders, looking at the magazine. _

_"I think its going to be a boy." Lucas moved his head away from her stomach, laying next to her. Brooke placed the magazine down behind her._

_"How do you know that?" Brooke put her hand under her head. _

_"Because a father knows." Lucas shot back, he laughed a little at the reaction Brooke gave him._

_"You dont want a girl?" Brooke whispered._

_"Of course but I would like a son; be a good father that Dan never was." Lucas looked down at the stomach and back up at Brooke. "Have you seen him?" Lucas asked Brooke. Brooke hesitated._

_"He's your father Lucas." Brooke tried to say to him. Lucas stood up from the bed, he wanted to punch Dan in the face; he didn't want him to touch Brooke or be around her._

_"He shouldn't be talking to you, he's crazy Brooke. He just confessed that he killed Keith." Lucas backed away from her, he looked out the window._

_"He's not staying in jail the rest of his life, sooner or later he will come out and he would want to see his grand daughter." Brooke rose her eyebrow when said 'grand daughter'. Lucas turned around, coming towards the bed as Brooke stood up. Lucas crossed his arms, pouting._

_"How do you know its going to be a girl?" Lucas asked her. Brooke wrapped her arms around him._

_"Because a mother knows." Brooke teased him. She kissed him slowly. "This pregnant thing is really annoying and its getting me really horny." Brooke bit her lip, Lucas took another step closer. Brooke pulled him down in the bed, taking over his body._

* * *

I was feeling better, better than I was before. I was allowed to leave the hospital room but I was ready to have the world hit me in my face. My son was still at the hospital, getting weaker and weaker. There was a knock at my door, Peyton was standing outside. I took a step back from my clothes, I was a little scared. She looked like she needed help or needed someone to talk to.

"Come in." I said, Lucas wasn't here and he wasn't going to know that I was talking to Peyton. Peyton slowly walked in, touching the walls as she did. She looked at the small pictures on the wall and back down at me. I took a step back away from her when she tried to get close to me.

"I spoke to the doctor." Peyton sat down in one of the chairs, she looked comfortable.

"Why are you speaking to my doctor?" My voice was a little low, I sat on my bed. Me and Peyton were face to face. She crossed her fingers, intertwining them.

"Because I saved your life." She made a slight smile, her attitude changed; it was a little on edge.

"Are you going to tell me what she said?" My voice became lower and more scared.

"Of course but first...we need to talk." Peyton smiled again, She was trying to act brave but I couldn't show her that I was scared of her.

"I dont need to talk to you, If you have something against my husband; you can talk to him." I wasn't scared anymore, i replayed what she did to me over and over again.

"I just want us to start over." Peyton begged me.

"How many times? Peyton. How many times do we need to start over because you screwed our friendship up?" I swallowed hard. "I invited you to my wedding, I wanted my best friend to be there...You came to the wedding, to try to break it up." I studied her movement.

"I knew I shouldn't have done that but I dont remember half of it." Peyton shrugged her shoulder as if I was supposed to forgive her because she didn't know what she was doing.

"You came to the wedding, into my room. You tried to choke me until I couldn't breathe. I almost died, luckily Haley came to get you off of me." I rose my voice a little. Peyton looked down at her fingers.

"I wasn't myself, I wasn't thinking...I didn't think." Peyton stuttered more than she usually did.

"Where you there at the party?" I asked her.

"What party?" Peyton tried to act clueless.

"You know what Party, Peyton. My sons birthday party, at Haley's house." I pointed my finger at her, showing that I was in charge, that i would ask the questions.

"It wasn't me." Peyton demanded, I rolled my eyes. "It wasn't me!" She shouted. "Can we just be friends again and forget everything?" Peyton begged.

"No because I dont want to. We have nothing to talk about." I stood up from my bed, getting ready to leave. Peyton quickly stood up, blocking the door.

"We have plenty to talk about, we could catch up with each other." Peyton said quickly.

"Peyton, move." I demanded, I tried to dodge her but she was still a the door.

"We could talk about your son." Peyton made her eyes a little bigger, I stopped trying to get past her. "We could talk about your son and how your feeling. We could do that." Peyton nodded, anger filled up inside me. I quickly slapped her across her face. The side of her cheek became red. Peyton looked at me, and pushed me against the wall across the room. "I tried to be nice to you, Brooke. I did." Peyton slammed me against the wall again. I hit my head, the room began to spin. "We could have..." Peyton slammed again. "been friends!" Peyton slammed me again, I fell to the floor. The room was spinning faster and faster, Peyton kneed down beside me.

"I will always be there Brooke." Peyton whispered in my ear. I could hear drums inside my head, speaking louder than her words.

"Go...away." I tried to find the words.

"I cant do that, Brooke. I live next door." Peyton stood up, walking over to the door. "Congratulations." Peyton last words to me, she slammed the door behind her. The darkness circled around my eyes until thats all I could see.


	5. The boy who was loved

_The response was immediate, the metallic head that hung loosely above her spread water unto her body, the sudden shock making her tense her muscles. The water slowly warmed the poor girl, soothing the ache that clawed at her limbs. Oh, how she had wished her day would have been better.A tear tickled her cheek and mixed with the clean water as she poured gentle soap into her hands. Her fingers met her long red hair, dancing into the mess it was, ridding it of the knots time had given. She never wanted this to have happened, she never safe out there, and sure enough, this only made her confidence crumble. The girl dragged the soap over her body, the action soothing her tough skin. It reminded her of when he had been hers. The soap caressing her neck like his kisses, running along her body like when he took in her sense. More tears escaped her eyes followed by her fist meeting the wall. She hated how she had pretended... Now, she could let it all out and so she did. __Somewhere, above surface, a young girl dropped to the floor, letting the water caress her skin as she broke down and wept. Brooke Davis was beginning to break, she was literally falling apart._

* * *

I put my hands together, I remember Peyton slamming against the wall and saying congratulations to me. My hands were so cold, I could feel them but they were a little numb. I was in the waiting room with Lucas sitting beside me; he had cried most of the night but all the tears escape from his eyes. Today was the day that my son was going to have surgery, bad things could happen in the operation room but I tried to have hope.

"If he dies...I don't know what I will do. I can't live without him, Lucas." I shook my head, trying not to cry. "He is the glue that has been keeping us together all these years." I took a deep breath, holding back the tears. "He's my boy." I was on the Virge of tears, my lips quivered. He looked away as his faced turn red.

"Don't cry" he mumbled to himself. He grinned his teeth back and forth, as tears silently filled his eyes. His shaking hands became clenched fists and he dug his fingers into his palms as he bit his quivering lip. The doctor came over to us, with her hands in her pockets.

"Were going to take him to surgery. You can tell him goodbye." The doctor slowed her words down when she finished her sentence. Goodbye? Why would I want to tell him goodbye, there is no goodbye. The doctor nodded and walked away, we have been with her for a while; I knew this is a lot on her. Lucas stood up, helping me up from the chair.

"What do we do?" He asked me, I was going to give him the answer that I gave him years ago.

"We are going to be the best parents that we can be." I whipped the tears from his face, I grabbed his hand as we walked into Jamie's room. His eyes were closing and shutting, there were nurses running all over the place, making sure that everything was alright for the surgery; I grabbed his hand before they took him away, I quickly kissed him on the forehead. "You come back to me." I demanded. He looked up at me with a tear in his eye. "You have to promise me." I tried not to cry.

"I promise, momma." His voice was raspy.

"We love you." Lucas said to him, I couldn't say anything else. The nurses slowly backed us away from him, rolling him out the room.

"I love you too." He said as he left. I put my hand on my chest, I couldn't breathe. Tears running down my face, like the water flowing through the drains, Rubbing salt into my open wounds. Lucas pulled me in, giving me a hug.

"I can't." I sobbed. I couldn't feel this way, I couldn't lose my son.

* * *

_Together, Lucas and Brooke entered the left wing of the hospital. They passed through two sets of sliding glass doors. Brooke's heart was pounding and she felt a little dizzy as they approach the counter. Haley speaks for Brooke, asking directions of where they needed to go to get admitted. The receptionist points down the hall and tells them to enter through the third door on the right. As they are walking down the hallway, Brooke was being stared at by all the passerby's. There is a janitor strolling along on the left side of the hallways with his yellow bucket and drenched mop. The smell of sanitized, clean mopped floors and pristine white washed walls makes her nauseous. Brooke sits down inside of the little room that they entered. She was handed a clip board and was to told to read, sign and date the stack of papers. As Brooke finished, the nurse approached her to take her blood pressure and vitals. The nurse tells Brooke to go out in the hallway, Brooke looks and their is an little old lady with a wheel chair. She comes up to her and says "Get in, we are going to your room." Brooke is taken to the fourteenth floor, room 201. The room was beautiful. there was a bed in the middle of the room on the right side. The bathroom was in the back right corner. Five feet to the left of the bathroom was huge oval bay window, overlooking all of Tacoma. It was so clean. The sun was setting and it cast the most beautiful sunset into the room. Golden rays of light shine through the window and painted the walls yellow. It was breathtaking. Brooke threw her things down and plopped onto the bed. Haley started to take pictures of everyone. Peyton slowly walked out of the hospital, she didn't want to see any of it. The nurse came in. She told Brooke to get undressed and to put the robe on. She handed Brooke a pair of cotton netted panties and a pad too. The nurse wrapped a monitor around Brooke's belly to check on the baby's heart rate. He was doing fine. Brooke was dilated two centimeters but was not in labor and had no sign of contractions. The nurse told her that She needed to open up more. Brooke had to walk around the fourteenth floor. Brooke was prancing around the hallways and stopping to do a little boogie shakes here and there. She was waving at all the nurses. At 5 p.m. the nurse came back into her room to check to see if Brooke had dilated any more. Brooke was up to a four this time. She said the doctor would be in soon and to wait patiently. Brooke fiddled with her thumbs and watched the news on the TV. Lucas sat in the bed next to her, asking if she felt any pain. Brooke was hungry and asked to get room service. They brought her some dry chicken and rice pilaf, with a side of orange juice. She was disgusted with it.  
_

_"Can you give me a burger from McDonalds?" Brooke begged Lucas._

_"I can't." Lucas pouted. Finally after three hours of patiently waiting, the doctor came in. She was a very quiet middle aged Asian lady, with kind eyes and delicate hands. She made Brooke lay down and scoot to the edge of the bed. The doctor asked if Brooke was ready to deliver and she nodded. Brooke was exposed and unaware of what was going to come next.  
_

_Ten minutes after Brooke had food, she had a rush of excruciating pain contract through her upper abdomen and in through her lower pelvis. The doctor said that she had started to labor and contractions were going to become strong. The wave of pain came every four minutes for Brooke. It happened so fast that she could not catch a breath in between. Brooke had no control over her body anymore. It took the nurse, Lucas and Brooke's midwife to ease her up off the bed and into the bathtub. The bath tub was equipped with water jets on all sides and was a standard tub. Brooke laid her lower back on one jet as it soothed the horrible pain retracting though her body._

_The contractions now were every two minutes. Brooke was in the bathtub for twenty minutes. The nurse checked and she had dilated to seven centimeters. The nurse explained to Brooke that the bathtub was not big enough to give birth in and that she needed to get out and move to another room. They had a big bath tub filled up for her, so that Brooke may labor an under water birth._

_It took three ladies' full body strength to lift Brooke up and out of the bathtub. She could only walk a few steps. Brooke was inadequate to make it to the other room. As a contraction came on and paralyzed Brooke from her belly down to her thighs, Brooke landed on the bed on her hands and knees. Brooke cried out in pain as she felt the baby push through her pelvis. Brooke thought her son was going to fall out right then and there. The contraction passed and she was able turn over on her back in the bed._

_The contractions were now every thirty seconds. Brooke was not able to take a deep breath and started to panic. Her whole body took over and her mind went blank. She could hear nothing. The voice of Lucas,nurse, midwife and doctor floated in the air and dissipated. All she could do was scream in agony. Brooke just wanted it to stop. The doctor let her know that it would be in a matter of minutes before the baby was to be brought in this world and take his first breath. The doctor placed a mirror between Brooke's legs so she could see what was going on. Lucas propped Brooke up with his arms and held Brooke tight. Lucas soothed Brooke much as he could. The doctor told Brooke on the next contraction that she needed to push through her bottom and hot it for a count of ten. As the wave of heat, pain and sweat enveloped her body, she took a deep breath and pushed. One, two, three, four... "Please...make it stop!" Brooke screamed. Brooke tried to push, her contraction ceased and she would have to wait for another one to come on. On the second push, she could see her sons head crown at the opening of her vagina.  
_

_It made Brooke want to push more, but the contraction stopped. The babies head had sunken back in to Brooke's body. Three time in a row this happened. Finally, on the fourth push she felt a release of pressure. Her son head had come out. The doctor had told me to push lightly. As she helped ease him out of Brooke's body, the doctor turned the babies shoulders to help him make way through the rest of the birthing canal. The doctor reached up and laid Brooke's son upon her chest. The most intense, beautiful, serene moment of their lives. Brooke looked over at Lucas. His face contorted into a terribly beautiful, yet heartbreaking expression as his eyes welled with tears. Brooke put Jamie slowly in Lucas' hands. Lucas couldn't believe that he had someone to take care of, someone to live for...something to believe in. He hears that little cry and he just forgets about everything and focuses on the sound. He started bawling as soon as he saw his son. He fell in love with him._

_"Hey, little guy." Lucas whispered, his voice broke. He instantly recognized Lucas' voice. He cuddled around Lucas' arm, so calm. His whole world changed._

* * *

They were in a open room, tools and nurses surrounded my son. I could see them perfectly, I know what they were doing. I was on top of them, in a room to observe them as they cut open my beautiful son. I couldn't look anymore, I prayed that he didn't feel anything. I focused on the doctor, I tried to look at her name tag but I couldn't see it. I forgot her name, it was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to know her name.

"Dr. Kohls." Lucas said behind me. I turned around with tears in my eyes.

"What?" I immediately said to him, he froze; looking over at his son in the operation room.

"I thought you should know her name. Susan Kohls." Lucas looked at me for brief second and walked out. I followed him into our sons room. I shut the door behind me, we need to talk about Peyton. He walked over to the window that showed the outside of the parking lot. It wasn't a great view for Jamie but it would have to do. I could understand that Lucas would be mad or even sad about Jamie but we have to take the chance. I tried to speak but he started to talk. "How could I can live without him, Brooke?" Lucas talked with his hands. He didn't look at me as he talked to me. "How can I go on...everyday...without my son?" Lucas tried not to cry by biting his bottom lip. "I taught him everything...when I'm feeling down...he's always there." Lucas remembered what Jamie asked him.

* * *

_It was before Lucas and Jamie knew about cancer or about anything. Jamie was a smart kid, he didn't know why he was feeling like he was dying or why he felt this way. Lucas came into his room, he turned on the lamp. Jamie was sitting up in his bed, reading a boring book. Lucas sat at the edge of the bed, comforting him._

_"Can I ask you a question?" Jamie asked his father, Lucas chuckled._

_"Of course." Lucas scouted a little closer to him. Jamie looked down at his finger and back up at his father._

_"What if there came a day when we were apart?" Jamie asked. Lucas thought for a second._

_"As long as were apart together, we should be fine." Lucas touched Jamie's nose playfully._

_"Yes, of course but if we weren't together...if I was somewhere else?" Jamie smiled._

_"Oh but you couldn't be because i would lost without you. Who would I call on those days when I'm just not strong enough," Lucas laid Jamie down on the bed. "Or brave enough...and who would I ask for advice when I have nowhere to turn?" Lucas winked at him. _

_"Your stronger than you look, smarter than you think, dad. Me and mom will always be with you." Jamie closed his eyes to sleep, he never knew the next day was when his world would crumble._

* * *

I've been at the hospital all night, trying to remember the good times with Jamie. There was a lot because we were never apart. He was was my other half...apart of me...apart of Lucas. It's been a whole day... longer than the surgery should have been. I was worried that something might have happened. I glanced at Lucas, his eyes looked tight and worried. I looked in the mirror, seeing how I was reacting. My little face slackened; my brow furrowed...eyes darting about in concern as if I were searching for a place to hide. My body's shaking from fear, breathing hard, feels like my heart is gonna explode, tears forming in my eyes, can't think, my face was getting white. I had this terrible weight on my shoulders...I had all this emotion take control over me. We stood outside the hallway, waiting for the doctor to come. I could see her, coming through the double doors. Her face looked sad, she had grazed frown on her face. She slowly walked over towards us, I could tell that she had bad news.

"We lost your son..." She began to say, my heart caved in. "We got him back for a moment but...we cleared the cancer...there's no cancer but..." She couldn't make out the sentence. "Your son is in a coma, the surgery was too much for him to take...he might not wake up." The doctor looked down. "I'm sorry." Her voice was low, she whispered to us. It felt like my heart was ripped out. Suddenly there was an aura of grey around me. It was a mist that wouldn't rise. A state of depression that I couldn't see myself through. My world came crashing down in front of me. I cried as if my brain was being shredded from the inside.

"What happened to my son!" I yelled, dropping down to my knees. Emotional pain flowed out of my every pore. From my mouth came a cry from so raw that even the eyes of strangers around us were suddenly wet with tears. I grabbed onto Lucas so that my violent shaking would not cause me to fall and from my eyes came a thicker flow of tears than I had cried for even my own sons the previous year. We expect to bury our parents one day, but never our children. Our whole world had vanished from me, now there was only pain enough to break me, pain enough to change me beyond recognition. I finally dropped to my knees. I cried as if by the sheer force of my grief the news would be undone. He was my son, my only son and he could not be gone. I had to get out of here, I needed to leave. Lucas tried to hold me back, to calm me down, even as his own tears fell thick and fast but in my hysteria...I was too strong and too wild. After whirling about, unable to look through my puffy eyes, I tumbled out of the hospital onto the rain- kissed street. they watched me go, dissolved in the kind of despair that can take ones mind prisoner and never give it back. Once in the open, I sank down to my knees in the middle of the street, bathed in the headlamps of the cars now static before me. Ordinarily folks around here honk their horns in three seconds flat, but me wailing carried in that damp air, freezing them in place, helpless.


	6. I was so sure

It was quiet, so quiet. I never something could be this quiet. Even when I turned on the television, it was still quiet because I was stuck inside my mind. My eyes were puffy from crying because I couldn't stop crying for the last three days. I was dehydrated, and sore. Sobs raked my body, no one should be able to cry that hard. I hadn't even cried that hard when my father died. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. Jamie hasn't woken up from his deep sleep and it killed me in the inside. I didn't want to see him like that...I couldn't bring myself to the hospital. I don't care how long it takes, I will wait a thousand years until my son wakes up. I stood up, walking to my window. It looked so dark outside but it was only 5 in the afternoon. I suddenly heard a scream from the sky, the rain looked like tears from the eyes of the clouds, softly falling on the ground with a light pitter-patter sound. I focused on my reflection in the window...my hair was placed in a messy bun. I was going through depression...i guess. I sleep on average about 16 hours a day, I get no pleasure from anything that I used to, I'm not dependable like I usually am...I cry a lot...I dont show a lot of emotion. I really dont talk to people. My entire body aches. I hurt. I started to think about Jamie, his reckless smile and the way he laughed...oh, I miss his laugh. I suddenly heard a knock at my door, it sent chills through my body. I walked over to my bed, I didn't put my whole body under the covers...I just sat on my bed. The door slowly opened but it wasn't Lucas...as I hoped. Haley came into the room but slowly. Every step she took, I watched her feet. I looked up at her with a fake smile, it wasn't my best but it would work for her. I didn't know what she wanted, I guess she wanted to check up on me. Haley held onto herself, blocking out my cold room. My heart beated out of my chest like I was scared of something or what was going to happen.

"How's Lucas?" I said, starting the awkward conversation that were going to have.

"He's not doing good..." She made this horrible facial expression, it made me feel bad. "He's losing his mind." Haley chuckled, rubbing her forehead. "Why don't you cut him a break?" Haley tried to smile, she actually did but it didn't work. The smile quickly changed into a frown, more annoyed. "He's been calling you none stop, he tried to come home but you changed the locks?" Haley couldn't believe what I have done with my life. "Lucas is my best friend and he crazy in love with you, you can't treat him like this." Haley grinned her teeth. I let her speak for a minute and passed a minute, I stopped listening. I slowly tuned her voice out, now it was just mumbled. Her mouth was moving but not a sound came out. No one could judge me on what and how I was dealing with my life, I am literally sitting here and waiting for my son to die, that's all I can do right now. Death is something that I'm not comfortable with or want to talk about, especially with Haley. If handling it on my own kills me, than so be it.

* * *

_The words were different than what she imagined them would be, maybe her voice could have been a little softer or maybe a little stronger. She didn't want to watch her son, die or try to fight back. It was hurting her inside, it made her feel weaker and weaker until she couldn't barely stand on her own two feet. Everything happened so fast, Jamie coming into the world, Lucas and her getting married...it happened to fast for her and she could barely catch a breath. She tightened her hands, forcing her to speak and tell the truth. She had to take it slow but mean what she was saying and not back down of what she was feeling. It was like she was in horror movie and slowly, she was becoming more evil and not herself. Lucas stood up, trying to comprehend what she just said to him. They were right outside of Jamie's room, she couldn't do this now, she couldn't tell him all these things right now. They're son was dying and Brooke was acting like she didn't care which Lucas knew that that wasn't the truth.  
_

_"What?" Lucas was hoping that she would say something different this time, that she was didn't mean what she said, that she would stay next to him until his last dying breath. It was all different now, she was going to change his life again but in a bad way._

_"I'm leaving." Brooke said to him. "I can't stay here...I can't do this anymore." Brooke gazed at his eyes, telling him that she means every word. She tighten her hands together, she didn't know what to do with them.  
_

_"You. Are not. Leaving me." Lucas said strongly, his voice was breaking like it always did._

_"I can't stay." Brooke whispered. _

_"But I love." Lucas said softly._

_"I love you," _

_"Don't say it like your saying goodbye." Lucas questioned._

_Brooke put her hand on his face. "I love you in every way that I can...And I'll miss you the most." Brooke cried. "I'll miss having you as my best friend for the rest of my life." Brooke looked away from him._

_"Your willing to sacrifice that?" Lucas croaked. _

_"Sometimes we have to make sacrifices." Brooke pleaded._

_"No. I can't let you go and I wont." Lucas warned her._

_"I'm sorry." Brooke tapped his chest, Lucas grabbed Brooke's hand as she walked away and in his hand...he saw the ring that he gave her on their wedding day._

* * *

The rain was pouring harder every second, it seems every time that I had a horrible day; the rain would come and make me feel worse about my life. I still had Haley toned out, so I have more time to think about my pathetic life; which I hated. If my son died, what would I do then? I did everything for him, everything. I made the line for him, I moved to the Tree Hill for him, I changed my life for Jamie or more, he changed mine. I focused on the rain dancing on my window, yelling for someone to come outside and see what they can do. I could see a shadow on the corner of my eye, I quickly toned Haley's voice back in.

"Are you even listening to me?" The words that I could catch, I turned back towards her.

"No, Haley and I don't care." I didn't mean to sound harsh but I just wanted her to go away.

"Oh, so your going to be a dramatic bitch to me, now?" She rose her eyebrows, judging me with her eyes.

"No, Haley...I'm not being a bitch to you." I whispered, I was getting a little annoyed with her. The only person that hasn't checked up on me is Nathan and Nathan probably has been getting on Lucas' nervous as well. I started to think about, has Haley and Nathan been trying to get me and Lucas back together.

"It sure seems like it, Tell me what's going on?! If you really don't need me-" Haley tried to her raise her voice at me, I quickly stopped her.

"GOD! You are just like mother, You can't tell when your not wanted!" I yelled at her, I didn't know what I was saying. I wasn't mad at Haley, she's been a good friend to me. "I don't need you, Haley! I don't need Lucas, I don't need Nathan and I damn sure don't need someone dancing around my room, trying to make me feel better when I dont want them here." I sat back on my bed, I wasn't going to say sorry to her.

"What do you want, Brooke?" She said with her voice low.

"What I want...Is my son." I held my voice tight, I couldn't let her hear my cry or have tears in my eyes because if she did, she would come over and hug me.

"And what about Lucas?" She shrugged her shoulders, I licked my lips as they were getting dried.

"I mailed divorce papers this morning, you should get them right now." My voice was cold and shivered. I was a totally different person. Haley huffed, burying her head in her hands.

"You should be ashamed, what if Jamie wakes up? He's going to wake up with his parents divorced and his house split!" Haley yelled at me. She rolled her eyes and slammed the door on her way out. I thought about it for a second, it would be better if it was just me and Jamie.

* * *

Haley walked, scared to tell Lucas the news about Brooke. She didn't want them to have divorce, they were the golden couple. They found love before Haley and Nathan ever did. Haley heard glass break, it made her jump a little. She walked into Lucas' room, trying to explain everything to him. He had a big yellow orange envelope in his hand, he didn't look at Haley until he started to talk.

"She wants a divorce." Lucas grinned his teeth, the one woman he loves doesn't love him anymore. He didn't know where to go or who to turn to. Nathan walked into the room but stayed outside, he wanted to give Lucas his space.

"We understand." Haley said, looking back at Nathan. Lucas looked at them both.

"You don't understand." Lucas corrected her, even though they have been through divorce and trying to find their way back to each other...they didn't understand.

"Me and Nathan have been through this, we do understand." Haley nodded.

"No you don't!" Lucas rose his voice.

"How do we not understand, Lucas! Tell me! because I'm trying to fix your relationship and your not helping me!" Haley yelled back at him.

"because you spend all your time and you put your energy into them and YOU FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THEM!" Lucas closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears but he was angry. His voice was so loud, so thunderous, that they couldn't concentrate on what he had said, only the tone in which he had said it. He had become a whole different person. His shining, gold eyes had twisted into a dark and gloomy black. His eyes narrowed and his teeth clenched together. His hands fisted in rage."and then what happens is THEY GET TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU!" His eyes are bulged out, and there is a vein throbbing in his throat. His jaw is really tense. He looks ready to strike and scream. "AND IT BREAKS YOUR HEART! You think they are going to save you from yourself and they break your heart!" Lucas took a deep breath. He was right, no one would understand.

* * *

I always imagined what it would be life, if I just ended it all. Where would I go if I have done such thing. I'm sure every young women has been thought of that but never have done it. Some girls do, they think that they don't matter and nothing would get matter...so they just end it. End the lies, end the bullies, end the voices in their heads, end the people that gave them hell, end their grief. Those things are not what I wanted to happen, I just touched my cold, white hand and I couldn't feel it. I guess my room was cold enough to freeze my whole body to death but I didn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything, I was completely numb. My mind was blank, my head; facing forward into the distance. My light was still on but the one inside my head wasn't. I looked outside my window and it was still raining, Why was it still raining? I wanted it to stop, I should go outside and see what was going on. I didn't grab anything, walked out there with my long sleeve shirt and pants, I stood at the edge of my pool; one more step and I could drown. I dug in my back pocket, I could feel cotton balls moving around as I tried to grab my pack of cigarettes. I took it out and looked at the kools, I never once in my life smoked. I thought it would be bad for your lungs. I flicked the liter, the fire blazed out; making a slight sound. I studied the fire, burning. It symbol ed the pain that I felt in my heart, rage. I dropped my cigarettes, they slipped from my hand. I slowly touched the fire with my finger until I smelled the burning of my flesh. I waited a moment until I felt a small tingle of a burning sensation. I dropped the liter into the pool, I could feel something when it came to my pain. I started to think about Jamie and his goofy laugh. I was feeling death, when my son wasn't really dead. I have always been so self- conscious when I cried but now I just gave way to the enormity of my grief. I wouldn't even call it grief, I was sitting here...waiting...for my son to die. I sobbed into my hands and the tears dropped between my fingers, raining down onto the parched soil. My breathing was ragged, gasping and the strength of my legs. I sank to my knees not caring about the rain sinking into my clothes. I was noisy, my skin was blotched but there was no-one here to witness it let alone comfort me. I could run a mile in any direction and not find another soul. I cried until no more tears came, but still the emptiness and sorrow remained. I stood back, took a deep breathe and jumped into the pool.

I was so cold and heartless that I couldn't feel the tears run down my cheeks. For a second, I didn't know that I was crying. I held my breath...looking off into the distance under the water. I sank onto the bottom of my pool, I was completely relaxed. The breathing wasn't a problem for me, yet. I blinked, opening my eyes once again. I was having flashbacks of me and Jamie, laughing, having a great time until he peed his pants.

* * *

Some people say that time hasn't started until you felt more of yourself. The smell of cake and cheer filled the room as he awake from his strong sleep. He immediately woke up with a smile on his face, his cheesy smile that made him giggle a little. He couldn't remember what he was dreaming of, just about what will happen now but he knew what he wanted to dream of. His family laughing and having a snow ball fight with Santa Claus. His parents never had a fight, they never looked another way at each other; they just kept their eyes on each other until they're eyes became dry. He had the best parents, they would never leave him. He felt a cold drift upon his shoulder, he looked at his window; it was slightly opened. He stood up on his bed, glancing out upon the street into the snow wonderland. There were no footprints, no trails of a car passing by. He smiled again. He placed his hand on the window, a shadow came across the window tracing out his small hand. IT WAS CHRISTMAS! The thrill in his body showed in his smile. He ran down the hallway to see the presents that Santa brought him, the whole living room was filled with presents. He ran into his parents room, Brooke was cuddled under Lucas' shoulder. She moved a little from the sound of Jamie opening the door. Jamie jumped on the bed, trying to wake them up.

"Santa Came! Santa Came!" Jamie cheered. Brooke moaned, moving around the bed but still didn't open her eyes.

"Okay." She moaned, She turned her back to Lucas; falling back into her deep sleep. Jamie couldn't wake his mother up but he could try on his father. Lucas licked his lips, trying to fade Jamie away into a dark drift into his mysterious dream.

"Dad! Santa Came!" Jamie whispered but still had excitement in his voice. Lucas opened his eyes, looking Jamie directly into his eyes.

"Give me five minutes," Lucas put on a smile, he looked at his sleepy wife. She stayed up all night trying to wrap presents up. "Give your mother ten." Lucas chuckled a little. Jamie jumped off the bed.

"Okay, I'll wake up everyone else." He ran out of the room. Lucas turned over, pulling Brooke closer to him. She felt warm and gentle.

"Our son is a mad man." Brooke whispered.

"Yea." Lucas chuckled. Brooke finally opened her eyes, jumping out of bed. She was excited to see Jamie's face, how excited he was. She still had pajamas on, it was matching Lucas and Jamie's pajamas. The shirt and pants were red, on the shirt it said "The Scott Family." She thought it was cute and adorable for the boys to wear. Lucas crawled out of bed, looking at himself the mirror.

"I can't believe that your having us wear this." He pouted but smiled at her.

"Um, your not the only wearing this." Brooke pointed out. Lucas walked closer to Brooke.

"I guess were in this together." Lucas placed his soft hand on her back.

"Like we've always been." Brooke kinked her eyebrow. Lucas placed a mistletoe above their head, holding it between them. Brooke laughed. She pulled him close, kissing him. Jamie ran into another room, the bed was messed up. He stopped before he completely walked into the room. He looked around the dysfunctional room and couldn't help but to laugh at them. Skills was on the floor, Mouth was on the edge of the bed and Millie and her daughter Kira was on the bed. Kira was only two years old, she looked a lot like her mother but she was beautiful little girl, everyone loved her and she loved everyone, plus she never cried. Skills awoke when he heard the door opening, it made a slight bang when it hit the wall. He shot up, looking around the room asking himself what happened last night. He could guess that he had a lot to drink last night with them. Mouth woke up, falling down on top of Skills they both groaned in pain. Kira tapped her mother on the head, waking her up. Jamie stopped staring at them.

"Santa...Came." He said confused, They both rubbed their heads. Jamie looked at their pajamas, it was in blue and it said "The McFadden Family." Even Skills had one on their.

"Do we have to wear this?" Mouth croaked.

"Yes." Jamie demanded happily. "It's for my mom." he walked out of the room, shaking his head at them. SKills looked down at his pajamas with a proud smile on his face.

"I don't know, I'm kind of digging it." Skills nodded, Millicent laughed at him. Jamie walked into his grandparents room, Victoria was in her own room. She was all by herself but she always had him. he gently woke her up, feeling her coldness. Victoria turned over, growling at him. She noticed that he was excited to open up his presents.

"Aren't you supposed to be waking up your mom and dad, at this time?" Victoria stood up in her bed, her shirt read "The Davis Family" Jamie felt sorry for her but he loved her no matter what.

"Santa Came." Jamie said proudly. Victoria nodded.

"I'll be there in a minute kiddo." She winked at him. Jamie kissed her on the cheek and went into Karen's room. They were already awake. Karen was waiting until her daughter woke up but her husband was completely awake and ready to open up presents. Karen opened her arms, Jamie went in for a hug. She kissed his head and he finally let go after five minutes.

"That was the best hug." She smiled. Jamie told them what he told everyone, he looked down at their black shirts that said "The Scott Family." he had to make one last stop and he would be done. He walked into the Haley and Nathan's room, they were already up. Nathan was rubbing his forehead, groaning from the pain. Haley was laughing at him while she was holding Lydia.

"What's going on?" Jamie smiled. Haley turned around, she looked so happy and warm.

"Your uncle has a very bad head ache from last night." Haley shook her head.

"Did you hit your head?" Jamie said clueless. Nathan looked up at him, kept rubbing his head.

"Yea, Jamie. I hit my head." Nathan looked down at his green pajamas that read "The Scott Family." "Probably I wanted to put myself out of my misery from these pajamas." Nathan stood up, losing balance.

"Santa came." Jamie said changing the subject. Haley kept laughing but focused on Jamie. She walked out of the room with Jamie beside her.

"Are excited that it's Christmas?" Haley questioned him. OF course! he was so excited that he just wanted to open everyone's presents. "Are you happy?" They walked into the living room, everyone was there. Nathan walked in front of them, meeting Lucas, Skills and Mouth. Skills started to talk about what happened last night and how he was feeling light headed. Jamie looked over at his mother, all the girls were laughing with egg nog in their hand. Lucas walked over to Brooke, kissing her forehead. Jamie was happy but he was more thankful for what he has.

"Yea." He was frozen up. Haley tapped his shoulder, pushing him into the living room. Everyone looked at him and Haley as they walked in. Everyone cheered as they did, putting their hands in the air. Jamie lit up like a firework, he was happy...completely happy. He looked around the room, he was grateful for all of the people here. Lucas walked up behind him; pulling Jamie over his shoulder.

* * *

I was trying to reach for something more, maybe the beautiful stars. I wanted to see something, my son. Finally the beautiful sight of my son fade and the sight of my son fades away into the unknown of my mind. I felt a tug on my shirt, just a few more moments and they couldn't bring me back. I closed my eyes, someone pushed me out of my pool. I felt someone pressing onto my chest, trying to give me air. I opened my eyes, looking up at her. I coughed the water out my lungs so that I could breath. My chest felt heavy. I blinked, tears ran down my face. It felt like I was paralyzed from my neck and down. I couldn't move and I couldn't speak. Peyton smiled at me, trying make sure that I was okay.

"Should we take her?" He asked someone but kept her eyes on me. I slowly pushed my head to my right, Derek was standing there. He had a cigarette between his teeth. He didn't answer her, he kept his eyes on me. Peyton was a little annoyed, looking up at him. "Your smoking? Isn't that bad?" Peyton questioned him.

"It's a metaphor." Derek shrugged his shoulders, coming closer. Peyton didn't have a reaction on her face, she didn't think it was funny. "All the girls love it." He whispered, my slid a piece of hair behind my ear. I tried to move my legs or my arms but the only thing I could move were my eyebrows. He could see that I was struggling. "Shhh." He said with a whisper and suddenly I stopped moving and everything was going in circles. I looked over at Peyton, she was putting a needle in my arm.

"Hey!" I heard someone yell, Derek quickly looked behind him. There wasn't a split second for me to see what was going on, my mind began to be blank and everything turned black.


End file.
